It was always all about the music with us...

"We built our lives around these songs and the words they held within them. The themes they portrayed with all the words that we couldn’t bring ourselves to say. Isn’t that the way it’s supposed to be? I believe it’s the only way to be, and it’s exactly the way we were. Simple and perfect."

Liquid Dream

I caught your sight
Behind the cluttered darkness of mess
And it sent a glimmer
Of light shooting down my spine
Then your eyes locked on mine
In mine
And I felt a murmour
Quietly escape my lips
As the longing for your taste
Grew stronger with every breath
The pulsing desire in my veins grew too
Until I felt your gaze burning a hole
Right through my core
And my feet fell into line with the trance
Stumbling hypnotically towards you
Hush me now
With the soothing of your body's warmth
Melting in and against my flesh
Into liquid dream versions of ourselves
And pick up exactly where we left off
Before the night got dark
And we were all put to sleep

And...

It was hard losing you.

And it was hard seeing you again.

And it's still... really hard.

Now Believe In It

"Make a wish and place it in your heart. Anything you want. Everything you want

Do you have it? Good. Now believe it can come true. You never know where the next miracle is going to come from... the next smile... the next wish come true.

But if you believe that it's right around the corner and you open your heart and mind to the possibility of it... to the certainty of it... you just might get the thing you're wishing for.

The world is full of magic you just have to believe in it, so make your wish.

Do you have it? Good. Now believe in it... with all your heart."

Your Art Matters

It's what got me here.

Of course it would...

Rain.
Tonight.
Of all nights.

Stop it with the act...

Because I've seen it before...

Afterall...

I did help write the script.

Cravings

I crave truth
And
To hear words that are real
With
A vulnerability that is unexplained
Because
Uncertainty is reality
But
Reality is hard to face
When
Outcomes are unknown
But
It has to be better than the act
Because
Throwing it all on the line
With
An unstoppable force
And
An infatuated heart
IS
Truth.

Beautiful, unnerving, honest, raw, emotional, deep, intense, perfect and free truth... of love.

Business

And when it's all said and done
There's no reason for the business call
At all...

I don't need you. I choose you.

I don't need you. I choose you.

This is a sentence I never imagined my mind would be able to compute in this lifetime.

By nature, I am heart, raw emotion and gut instinct. None of these aspects make for a very good decision-maker. And they aren't helpful contributors when it comes to 'choice' which is perhaps why I've never been overly good at making them... choices that is.

I was always the 'needy' girl. The girl who 'without you I won't be able to breathe' which of course to me sounded like the ultimate display of affection and love... and an all-time classic romantic declaration.

Life can't be a fairytale forever though... and this is an idea that shattered me for many years as I evolved from a dramatic 'I wear my heart on my sleeve' teenager into a *gulp* independent and determined adult.

Don't get me wrong, I STILL wear my heart on my sleeve, but these days I realise the extent of the consequences my 'heart-on-sleeve' wearing actions are capable of causing.

That being said... without knowing the raw intensity of a I-need-to-feel-your-heartbeat-against-my-chest-to-survive passion and love, I would not be the person I am today.

As we get older, it's not as easy or fair to act out of instinct. It is not as appropriate to say what is in your heart, or act on your stomach's guidance in the same way you once would have.

It is no longer 'I need you' but 'I choose you' and if I'm honest, I am still in the process of accepting this concept.... because man do I miss 'I need you'.

I've had 'I need you' in my life and the depth of that passion is never-ending. And as I discovered very early on in life... it is better to have loved (truly loved) and lost than to have never loved at all.

I feel it's the same with the 'need' vs the 'choice'. Without ever knowing the 'need' it would be impossible to really learn to 'choose'.

Thank you for letting me 'need' to breath that love. It taught me everything I know.

*draft*

Are we really two people
Who don't know each other at all?
Because I'd always thought
You would be the one
Who secretly knew
Every single inch

And then I thought
We would lock our secret away
In a box covered in memories
Filled with more of the same
And hide it in a place
Where only you and I know

Yet the journey had to take place
For each a different road
But the knowledge of the safe
Hiding high up on the shelf
Was a constant reminder
Of the intensity that is felt

When two people know
Every single inch
Without knowing at all
Why their two hearts were picked
To be connected
Forever and always

So tell me...
Have you really forgotten it all?
Or do you indeed...
Know every single inch
As I see it in my dreams?

No Need For Anything More

I don't need to tell you
And you don't need to tell me
Because you know that I know
And I know that you know
Because that's who we always were
And who we'll always be

...

we never grew out of this feeling that we wont give up....

From the first time that I saw you...

I met you
And fell crazy in love
So much that it hurt
You stole the spot
The only place in my heart
So I held on for dear life

Now I've put you in a box
To keep that love safe
And remember it
Forever and always
Because that part of me
Is yours to keep

You. Always.

You always appear when my mind wishes you to.

Sugar High

Lets go back to the beginning
Lets play it over from the start
Find out where it slipped up
Pinpoint where it began to fall apart
My lips will quiver
And your legs will shake
Drum it on the desk
As we toss our eyes from right to left
Trying to remember the days gone past
And what it was
That threw us from the ride
We thought might last

You're a fool for caring
They all say with a grin
Cos apparently it's cooler
To forget the places you've been
And be just another
Empty face walking dead
In the crowd
That of a heart
That beats in your chest
Rebelling against the pain
Of what could have come next
And the art we refer to as love

Nursing that ego back to health
I know it has been a task
But even though it hasn't been long
I can see that you'll make it last
Although of course you're not alone
You've hired yourself a little help
Got yourself a nurse
To inject you when it hurts
Inhaling breathes of sugary treats
Has become your latest drug
But will her little box of pills
Be the answer to what is lost

It didn't take long for me to see
That you aren't like my heart at all
Cos you're the same fool
You always were
When you wear it on your sleeve
Just like me torn from underneath
But you'll dress it up pretty in an attempt
And hang it like the button you hoped it would be
Cos you've got no other way
So you do what you do best
And paint a picture with the pain
Of what is aching in your chest

These tales roll into souls
That are bound and kept for life
Somewhere safe and sound
Under the lonely bed
Or scattered on the floor
Where you rest your head
When you're tired and drop
For another night
Of dirty restless sleep
And when you wake
The tired tortured love
Is replayed once again
But never lived out twice

Just one chance, that's all you get
So don't be too scared
To say it in advance
That you're in or you're out
Of the game for this round
You'll thank me in the end
For what I'm doing to you now
When you're looking around
And you have
What you wanted then
Still shiny and shimmery
From the worth that it found

Or for another ending
If you don't like the one above
You'll lay still in the long grass
Buried beneath a sea of love
Unwanted weeds and rocks
Covering your dainty skin
And all that purity you own
A depth I thought was known
Is what I've found has disappeared
And now I'm forcing myself
To be an actor up on stage
And play the part
Of the one who doesn't care

So am I convincing?

Tears Dry

Your tears make magic possible and should end in a smile.

Rid Me From Sin

It's raining down south
And it's raining in my heart
A quarter of a mile
Behind from the start
With quivering lips
And a taste of the same
Bending me backwards
Gone as quickly as you came
Dying inside
Removed from 'belong'
Melodies once soothed
Aren't soothing this old song
Show me a light
Roll these clouds far apart
And empty the shadows
Lay black upon my heart
Divide the skies
Bury this soul within
A blanket of pure white
And rid it from sin

As fast as it came...

It was gone again.

Messy

She's a nocturnal mess...

And it never suited her more.

You're Special

Because I said so.

.

It's always been that way.

When?

When will it feel exactly how it should?

Night Owls

Stay awake with me all night long...

We'll share secrets the rest of the world wont understand

And laugh until the sun comes up.

You Are...

Exactly who others see you as.

So own that today. Right now. In this moment.

You are you... learn to love it.

It's Always

Too hot or too cold... where is my in between? Will I ever find it? Or am I destined to stand in the middle forever? I guess that's what I call 'love'.

Street Watch

There's a lonely figure standing on a street corner
And it reminds me of how I used to feel inside

When you find a way...

To say goodbye without it hurting - let me know.

And then the girl was gone again...

I hate goodbyes
I hate leaving
It hurts to leave

Today...

I woke up to a vanilla sky...
And I knew it would all be okay.