My Astral Boy

Once upon a time, there was a boy named Astral
He liked to draw and play the guitar
His heart was kind and he lived by that soul
Giving his time when others were too far

With this inside, a heart he had stolen
This boy named Astral, held a heart that was golden
A heart filled with stories still waiting to be told
My favourite story of all just about to unfold

One night this boy came to say something special
He came from the sky and climbed through my window
He'd been to the sun, even tasted a rainbow
Brought me a present for which I was grateful

Hand in his pocket, he began to take it out
Let it float up high and land without a doubt
He took my hand in his, told me I'd better hold on tight
This night when we were younger, Astral kissed me beneath the blue star light

I remember I closed my eyes and when I opened all was blue
Though inside what I was feeling was something completely new
I'd known Astral in times before, but I'd never seen him like this
In this second I realised, all I wanted was one more kiss

But would my Astral stay, remain for the whole night long
Whisper me sweet nothings, create our very own song
One we would remember in the times still yet to come
Play it on repeat, to the sound of our hearts beating drum

Astral Boy did fly high, although he never did melt
And in the end this boy should know, that this girl knew exactly how he felt

Who Am I?

Exactly who am I to you?
Wouldn't I like to know
And wouldn't you like to know
Who you are to me too

It's funny this world
How we all ended here
Chasing the lives
We've learned now to fear

Would you still smile?
The same as before
Smile to see me
Feel me at your core

Or would you walk away
Like times in the past
Leave it behind
Too scared it could last

Pain as a Game

How do you make a pain go away
That's lingered there for so long?
That it's become you're best friend
Yet its the one thing you fear most
With it you're barely human at all but
Without it nothing makes any sense

For years this hate has been my joy
Its so twisted how we all love to fall
So hard against anything sharp
Or anything that brings the ability to feel
So is it that we are all craving depth?
Is this the way life was intended?
And were we as a whole
Put here to play the game this way?

At My Own Pace

There's nothing quite like waking up
To that look on your face
Its still there til this day
When I close my eyes
The prettiest thing I ever did see
Porcelain white skin and your rosy red cheeks
I still see it clearly
It's picture-perfect

'Cos in my mind, you still exist
You're not such an easy thing to erase
And in my mind you're still right here
I think I'll let you go at my own pace

There's nothing quite like the feeling
Of your hand sitting in mine
I still feel it clearly from time to time
And when I'm sitting home alone
It's because of you I wait by the phone
Then I can hear you crystal
My heart beats, beats, beats

'Cos in my mind, you still exist
You're not such an easy thing to erase
And in my mind you're still right here
I think I'll let you go at my own pace

And although we couldn't make it last
For whatever reasons we both had
The times we had were worth this past
That left the footprints on our hearts

I wont forget you
Please don't forget me too
'Cos I wont forget you baby
Please don't forget me too

In my mind, you still exist
You're not such an easy thing to erase
And in my mind, you're still right here
And I think I'll let you go at my own pace
Yeah I think I'll let you go at my own pace

Magic...

A touch, a look, you give me
Chills, a thrill, I'm tangled up in your
Soul is dancing with my soul and it feels so
Right now there's nowhere I'd rather be than
Here in this night with you I see your...
Eyes they say so much to me and its
Perfect is what you mean to me

Stars are shining high above and its
Bliss the way you look in this light
Behind shadows we'll wait, just you and me until
Time is what will set us both free to
Be only what we feel in our two
Hearts together is how we learn and find
Magic is what you've hidden inside

Our Maze

Wind dancing through leaves that twinkle in the dusk
As we stand on our tippy-toes enveloped in our love
We wait for the bright night to come and take us away
Into the darkness where people choose to stay the same
We'll fly to a land where who we are is more than just okay
Plant our feet firmly and become our own cliche
Exchange the many words of teenage whispered lust
Cradled in your arms we have found the perfect trust
Starry nights above now remind me of those days
Intertwining lives, we've created our very own maze

Sometimes I Over-Think

Often I wonder if I am the only one thinking the things I do. People have often told me I read far too much into things which I happen to totally agree with. I ponder though if it is in fact only myself creating these thoughts or if I enable the people around me to think in a similar manner also? I believe I have some affect on people, in some way or another. I want into others souls, I want to know their truths and their secrets. I'm not frightened by their pasts and don't judge based on a life already half lived. I want to see deep inside and witness both the sour and the sweet. Perhaps this is what I was meant to do. It's so commonly all that really makes sense. People and their insides. Open yourself to me... I'm not like the rest.

Nothing is deep here...

I want to be somewhere where I can feel free to be who I am inside. For such a long time I've been hidden from the person I was meant to be. I think it's because for such a long time all I've thought about is the importance of my relationship and maintaining it. Perhaps that isn't the purpose of life? Perhaps what makes us desirable or intriguing in this life is our ability to pursue our own goals and ambitions. Maybe the image of a person following their gut instincts is the very reason we attract others to our circle. This is what I have lost. I have so much more to give than what I give currently. So many people to see. So much more exists than here in this town... with these same people I have known for so long. They are sweet and they are kind but they are not where I see myself. They don't feel how I feel. Nothing is as deep or as treasured as it should be.

Little Pretty Girl...

Little pretty girl
Let yourself be free
Let yourself be
Exactly what we see
There is something so pretty
Behind the mess and the fuss
Trust me you dont need it
You're prettiness is enough
Such a pretty face
Made up for this pretty world
What a pretty dress
Designed for such a pretty girl
What pretty lips
God has placed upon that mouth
Pretty as a sunset
Warmth radiates your face
Now let the people see
How pretty you can be
Don't waste your pretty picture
On people unworthy of it
A shiny ray of pretty
The world is yours
And it's waiting to be lit

Shadows Dancing

Let me wrap my legs around your waist
You know this is just where we belong
I can see our shadows dancing on the wall
With the faintest moonlight shining in
Nothing could be more right than this
Hold me tight and let me feel your hands on my skin
I don't want this moment to ever end
Tangled in these sheets, nothings else matters
I can hear your breath, heavy against my cheek
Kiss me now and the rest will melt away
Your lips so soft, your body like silk
Fingertips tingling over and above
Sending sensations up and down my spine
Let yourself push against me and
Make us last until the morning sun

Sometimes I Drink...

I'm Sorry
Sometimes I drink a little too much
Often I say more than I should
I get thinking about the times
I should have handled things better
Then I'm a mess and I cry
And it's done all before I get sober
In the morning I wake and wonder
Was it the right thing to do?

Would You...?

Would you stand by and
Watch me follow my heart?
Create a world I could
Call my very own
Stand on a mountain and
Yell out my name
Scream to the world
It's me who you adore
Would you cradle me
In your arms
When my world doesn't
Seem as it should
Let me weep when my
Dreams turn to dust
Would you sing me to sleep
Like you would for
A child of your own
Listen while I tell stories
About a place I call home
Where I am a princess
You, my precious prince
Come to my rescue
When taken by the witch
Would you dance with me
For all of our nights
Clicking our feet
Along to a funky beat
Singing to songs
As loud as we possibly can
Wind on your face
Driving windows down
Will you laugh out loud
Just because we are together
Creating a smile
Warmth enveloping your heart
Would you stand by my side
When I make my crazy choices
Hop on a plane and
Fly me to far off places
Will you watch me
Fall asleep next to you
For the rest of our lives
Whisper Good Morning
When it's time for
The sun to rise?
Will you get down
Onto one knee
Tell me it's clear
This was meant to be
Make me your wife
And marry me straight away
I'll wear a white dress
Do everything you say
It would be the day
We'd always imagined
Smile to the thought
Of the love that we've captured
Will you have babies with me
Watch them as they bloom
Into young adults
Like I was when I met you
Would you be old with me?
Still love me when I'm haggard
Will you still see my sparkle then?
Live with me happily ever after
Can you see us twinkle
Beneath this starry lit sky
A world full of questions
A life time through your eyes
Without all of these answers
The future will be our suprise



Errrrrrr... needs major work

A Girl Of Words

I'm a girl
Full of words
Wrapping sounds
Weaving lyrically
In and out of
Personal expression
Intricate and detailed
Breath escaping the soul
Uttering wonderful
Tales of a beauty untold

Does the past mix with the today?

Why do we meet people in life? What does it all mean and where are we supposed to take those relationships?
I've met a lot of great people in my life and somehow, over time, you just tend to let them break away from you. Your lives move in two entirely different directions and somehow they no longer exist in the foreground of your mind. Their presence is a mere memory that can be found at times hovering ever so faintly over you.
Why are we so quick to let these lives slip from us? Is it not the people we meet who help to make us who we are? Is it not the experiences had with these very souls that give us the ability to grow and learn?

I saw NFG last night for the first time in 6 years and they rocked it. They made me feel exactly how I wanted them to... like I was 16 years old again. Made me think about all the people I've let slip to the back of my mind and wonder what would have happened if I never lost them at all? It's funny how music can take a person back so far to a time where nothing could get you down. A time full of friendships and music.

The best song of the night by far was Coming Home. I'm so glad I could go back to those times standing next to my brother, best friend in the world. In this moment, nothing had changed, there was no stress, no troubles of proceeding into adulthood. Just raw fun. Hype and loads of laughter. Being covered from head to toe in others sweat might not sound like the best night out for some, but to us and those who knew me then... there's nothing better. Last night was exactly like coming home... to everything that makes me who I am and there was no better feeling in the world.

"Music low, we're all alone, being wrong never felt so right" - NFG - Sucker.

A Weathered Life

Weathering lives
Fill the weathering days
Sorrow and sadness
Left to stand in our way
Dripping with tears
Droplets of false rain
Forcing reflections
Of a life time of pain
Gaunt as you are
Your age clearly noted
Stories of days gone
A life time devoted
To a wonderful world
We learn does not exist
Weeping from weathering lines
Too weathered to persist

Relationships as a Business?

When do long term relationships become business? And can the two mix in a harmonious and indestructible manner or are we forever destined to make a choice between work and play in order to live a normal life?

Is it possible to maintain a relationship on a level of pure love, lust and intensity or are we all really entering into a form of business contract when we sign up for a long term commitment with our partners?

To be continued....

I need to take some time to ponder over these questions and I'll get back to you....

My Garden Bed

Why is it somehow, my world always manages to come slowly but surely crumbling down over the top of such beauty I've only just begun to create? It's the prettiest of gardens full of lively colours and incredible smells that overtake your existence and generate a sense of well-being and utter calm, suddenly being attached by a plague of pesky bugs. It is this amazing image, that is within seconds crushed by the largest wave you could imagine, or hottest of heats sweeping over to dry your garden out. It's a thousand bricks falling from the roof, toppling onto the bed of roses you had just days before, planted with your own hands. Watching them break down petal by petal, stems snapped in the middle. Pieces of your creation destroyed and left lifeless in scraps that lay silent on the ground. Watching the colours fade from such an intense warmth to cold and expressionless earthy looking sticks.
This is how it feels sometimes to be a person living on this earth. You feel as though you're standing in your own garden bed being rained on, crushed and generally tormented by those above you. By things far beyond your control and it is in these situations that I often wonder how we put ourselves there in the first place and why it is we must all take such brutal bashings from time to time.
Perhaps there are many different types of people, as there are many different types of plants and maybe like flowers, some humans take the knocks better than others.
Have you ever noticed in a garden, when there has been incredible heat or too much rain, some plants will weep and die? Though often amongst the bunch, there will be one little fella who stands tall, or green, or is producing new buds and flourishing despite it's exposure to such hardships. The endurance of these plants is commendable. As is the endurance of our people who survive such grueling and trialing times of lost hope and despair.
Many are off at war, or fighting for their lives in some form or another and this world is as full danger and fear as it was many years before. The earth is filled with disease and destruction, both self inflicted and by circumstances beyond the control of the every day man. Somehow though, this is never brought to attention during the day to day living commitments and responsibilities of todays mainstream popularity.
In these irrational moments of frustration and lack of further patience I feel I have every right to cry and whine about my horrible life while questioning why it's always my garden bed the rain chooses to flood. And with a few moments of detaching myself, this rain somehow clears the black pollution from my mind just as it does for the sky in life. With the clearer skies opening up, your mind is able to see once more what is important and why it is we fight so hard to plant that garden. Why we dig our hands so deep in the mud and spend so much time nurturing the seeds. We do it because a result is never reached without the hard work attached and beauty is never found without getting a little dirty first. Sometimes we have success and other times we get rained upon. It's not always what we have in life but often what we lose that teach us the biggest and most valuable lessons. So every time a dark cloud is threatening to burst upon your picture perfect petals, remember that after the gloomy light of a storm, there just may be a bright green bud waiting to bloom.

Today I Went To Market...

I decided to try my luck at the markets today. Yep, that’s right, the girl (that’d be me) has got guts that’s for sure! So once I’d dragged myself away from the op shops, I trekked back to my car and was on my way to Market City. No, literally, that is what it is called. I kid you not! Parking was fairly quick and easy which surprised me slightly. However, $4.40 later and for a lousy two hours I might add, I was off. Bright pink Coles bag slouched over one shoulder and teeny tiny wallet sized bag that only fits my credit cards hung over the other. I suddenly realised the weather was so much hotter than I had expected when I awoke with the flu and looked outside only to be greeted with a sky full of grey accompanied by drizzly droplets of rain that didn’t seem to look as though they would let up anytime soon. Not only was it hot, I was dressed head to toe, entirely in black.
Once I’d walked the fairly mammoth sized walk from the $4.40 car spot I’d found to the markets, I allowed myself the pleasure of not entering via the fruit and veg section first. I was not yet ready to be confronted with the madness that is Paddy’s Markets fruit and veg on any given weekend day.
The thing I like about the markets though, is that if you actually take the time, and have the patience with the hot and sweaty crowds, you’ll come across a few neat little stores. Granted, they are usually hidden betweens rows and rows of the ‘same old and boring’ and if you walk a little too fast you may just miss that little one that has made your entire visit worthwhile! My point here is, we are often too quick to judge and not only judge but almost set a situation or standard up for ourselves without realising at all and commonly we let our misjudgement lead us down the negative garden path. All these downer vibes somehow stop us from seeing what’s really in front of us which more often than not, is not as bad as our minds have created it to be. It’s not the challenges or hardships in life that matter most, it’s what we make of them and how we come through the end of that tunnel. So I began to wonder, what should happen if I approach an anything but comfortable situation with a more positive vibe? Would I then be able to alter to view of what I’m seeing and create a environment I am actually happy to be a part of? Would I then be able to learn something from the surroundings? I believe this is definitely a possibility. So… I challenge you, for every negative thought, how about trying to give two positives to match it? It may seem hard at first, but with a little time, patience and practice, it may just be what ends up saving your life. Yes, all these wacky and wonderful thoughts brought together by a little trip to market. Maybe I’m on my way to the loony bin, or maybe next time you head to market, you’ll see something wacky and wonderful too.

What of This Light...

This light reminds me of

Something I saw in a movie once

It's a light that brings with its glow

Many memories of days gone by

Both pleasant and perhaps not so

A sense of comfort and also uncertainty

The way that the rays fall

I remember running through

Fields in this light

Laughing with friends as we

Danced over blankets of daisies

With age the light brings change

And along with it a world unknown

The brother in my life

Who stands to be the light of me

Shudders in the moments of dusk

As he mutters words of the deep

Loneliness that comes with

The light of such a sunset

I do not fear it as he does

Nor do I feel the loneliness

Of which he speaks

I bathe my pores in the light of now

These rays splashing over my body

Over and out with warmth

Enabling life from deep within

Empowerment and courage

The will to dance once more through fields

Wrapped in a daisy-chain

Wearing nothing but my own skin

Free to live and laugh for all the days to come

What Is Time?

The earth moves 

Along the time and yet

The time stands 

Completely still

Distance means nothing

Time is everything

Savour these moments

And the time we have...

Intense

Intense to touch

You're intense to hold

Intensity moves

Between two souls

Intense together

More intense when apart

Fight with intense words

Intensely from the start

It's heat vs heat when

Intense make-up is lust

I see it in your eyes

In your heart I trust

Overwhelming intensity

Forever the story of us

Imagine

Imagine if there was a place

For only you and me

We'd sit and talk awhile

About the people we want to be

"Imagine" you would say

"Don't stop until you are"

Guide me with your words

Like the brightest shiny star

I imagine when I was small

And all I wanted to be was you

Smile about a sister who

Became my best friend too

Now that I am grown 

Your beauty is still all I see

Despite all that has happened

You're still who I'd choose to be

And when I imagine, make a wish

And look up to the moon

I imagine that you'll get better

And i wish it to be one day soon

Love

There's a difference between loving someone and caring about them. It's funny how hard it is to distinguish the line between friendship love, new love and even old love. Yet somehow, the love and hate concepts, are not always so far apart from one another as we often believe them to be. We as humans are created to feel, both literally and also emotionally. I think if you have the ability to hate someone, it just may be possible and is more or less entirely likely that you do in fact love them. Then the inevitable question comes into play and you must decide what sort of love it is. A love that can so easily be turned to hate is obviously a love full of intensity and the knowledge that it is so intense makes the question that much harder to answer. I'm a person who acts on instinct and my instincts are usually lead by heart, not mind. I think perhaps a crazy love/hate feeling may be one of those loves thats the best you've ever had. One that makes your heart beat faster than ever before, makes you scared out of your mind that you may lose it and somehow manages to make no sense at all. These loves are what makes a life journey worth it. I believe these loves aren’t as common to find as people think and deep down I feel these connections are the real loves of our lives. You see i think it takes a lot more than an insane love to maintain a life time together as partners. To run a household and bring children into the world takes more than passion. A love so firey and fierce will never be a love that goes the distance because a love so strong is built purely on one another. It's a selfish and passionate form of love that somehow feels better than anything else in the world.
I think I have had a few of these stand out loves in my life. These loves that are at first fueled so strongly but undoubtably destined to come to an end. We find those people, experience them and leave them behind because deep down we know it would never last the forever fairy-tale we are taught to aspire to when growing up. No, these fairy-tales won't last our life times and no these loves will not give us the strength to build a life together on, but these loves will allow us experiences that give us the knowledge to grow. So take these experiences for all they are worth and live the fairy-tale for as many minutes as you can savour. Without these intense moments, our souls would never have the chance to be fully complete. It is the mini stories written on each page that let our books one day reach a happy ending.

Willowy Wisp

Willowy wasp
O willowy wee
Willow your wisp
Wisp it to me
Here in this night
Hear it your sound
Willowing through
Your willowy mound
Wish it to me
I wish it be true
Whisper your words
Whisper right through
I listen today and
I'll listen tonight
I'll listen until
Your wisps come out right
Hearing your hush
Its hushing my thoughts
Keeping me safe
From whispers unsought
My head is no haven
Young ears can not yet hear
The whispers of my insides
With a path left unclear
Your wisping though, it soothes
The war of many words
Calm just like a child
Or the singing between little birds
Breeze so soft and smooth
When swaying in willows arms
Wrapped beneath your leaves
Open to all your charms
O Willowy wasp
Whisperer of such
Whispering truths
To your wings I shall clutch
Whisper me your song
Sing the lyrics just for one
We can stay and sway together
We'll whisper beneath this sun

Big Sister

Big sister knows best
Big sister always there
Guiding through
The times unaware
The light of life
The life of love
Gives the strength
When hope is lost
Words so smart
A smile so bright
Aura emits more
Than brightest of lights
If one who was wise
Big sister it would be
Big sister to only three
And best of all
Big sister to me

It's A Rare Thing

It's a rare thing
This thing we have
Found long ago
Always wanted back
Too many objects
Lay in our track
Dodging and diving
No way to playback
All that was right
All that we need
Lost long ago
No chance to succeed
A rare thing to find
More rare it is to keep
Only we know
This rare thing was deep
We can not savour
Nor can we turn back
The time that was had
Is now what we lack
I will not forget
And neither will you
This bond was created
What's rare we will never pursue

Breath Away

You took my breath away
You said you couldn't stay
Another day... for me
Why couldn't you see?

I'd lay with you day and night
You give me a reason
To carry the weight of this fight
We'll make it ‘til morning light

We're....
Drowning in water deep,
With no air and no words to speak,
I hold out for you to keep
But we're
Drowning in water deep,
With no air and no words to speak,
I hold out for you to keep

We're caught up in all these fears
But i would take all your tears
Away from you...
If I could, I would

Don't worry anymore
There's no one I want to adore
More than I do you...
Believe that we'll make it through

But still we're....
Drowning in water deep,
With no air and no words to speak,
I hold out for you to keep
But we're
Drowning in water deep,
With no air and no words to speak,
I hold out for you to keep

I come up for a breath of air,
And realise that you're not there,
Now tell me how is this fair?
I hold on and you not care?
Nothing left for you to share,
For you just a simple dare
But we found the perfect pair
What we had is oh so rare...

And yet we....
Drowned in a water deep,
With no air and no words to speak,
I held out for you to keep
I'm feeling so alone and weak
Drowning in water deep,
With no air and no words to speak,
I hold out for you to keep......

I take one last look around,
The waters gone quiet
Without a sound,
I drift under and hit the ground...

Baby Bird

Things aren't always as they seem little one. To you now, you are like a baby bird learning to feed on its own for the first time. You've been used to pecking from your mothers mouth for such a long time, but you feel ready now to leap out and fend for yourself. As much as you would love to have this happen in such a lucrative and natural flow, it can't always and shouldn't always be so easy. We need our mothers for a reason. We need whom it is from which we learn; all. I know it's hard, believe me, I have also lived teetering on the end of that very branch where you are standing now, but time will fly right on by. Our days do not really come to an end when the sun retires behind the hills, we must open our eyes and minds wider to see in the darkness of nightfall. For with each day, with every moment filled with knowledge and acceptance, the wiser we become. Let us become wise. Let yourself feel the lows but bathe in the glory of a good day for twice the time you have spent letting the darkness into your world. We are often too black in these times and without even the tiniest ray of light to pull us through, the clouds will consume us, as is their intention. See light and beauty in life. I see the light and beauty in you. Shine, because within your very core, that's what you know and who you are. Be proud of who you are. Others gravitate towards light and they will gravitate towards you. You are the light, the light is you and do not let anyone or anything ever put you out.

Not Ready

Why cant you see it all for a moment through my eyes?
I don’t want to be without you, these are not some bullshit lies
In my future what I see, is only a picture of you and me
A house, two kids and perhaps a picket fence, all as happy as can be
I know that you're this person, who I am meant to share this lifetime with
But maybe I need attention that you don’t know how to give?
I want to see you be a Daddy, be the father of our very own
Witness what our love created and watch how much they've grown
I want to live in far away towns with you and travel through them all
Remaining strong together, be not afraid to; let you catch me when I fall
Because indeed I will once more, as you know I have done times before
And with your strength to guide me through, it's only you who I will want even more
For what life has in store for us is a path I think we both should trust
Brave the fights, climbs over the walls
Win the battles and save us all
So we will remember the purity of our fairy-tale start
Knowing in our hearts that we could never be apart
There is a reason for us, of this I am absolutely sure
You're my silver lining and it is you who I adore
Without you in my life not a lot of things make any sense
All I know is I am not ready to talk of us in the past tense

The Eyes Say It All

What draws us physically and emotionally to people in life?
I'm a firm believer that personality counts, more than anything else really. Yet for others, they judge a possible spouse based purely on their looks. I've dated some good looking people in the past as well as some who maybe wouldn't, in societies eyes, be considered the "hottest" of the hot. To me though, it's been nothing but pure magic. I believe I happen to judge a person on their insides and it's funny once you learn to do so, what you find. I have found some amazing people in my time who have touched my soul deeply and often manage to do so without even realising it. It's all in a look, or a touch or a depth that's unseen to those surrounding you both, hidden away from prying eyes. Almost a silent secret kept only between two souls that have for some indescribable reason, met and connected. I'd love to know why this happens and even how. Eyes say it all, if you let them and although I am quite the talker, the moments when my eyes speak with another's without the involvement of any words at all are the best in my mind. They're the most cherished and guaranteed every time, it makes me just so damn giddy and excited! I cant explain why or how and this is why I am entering these thoughts into the universe. If I should one day be lucky enough to hold the secrets to our souls and learn why and how it is that we connect, I will definitely be one step closer to figuring human nature out.
Talk with your eyes, there's nothing quite like it and if you find that person who manages to respond without the use of their mouth... you may have just found exactly what you need.

Thank You For Today

I'm not sure of exactly what is happening here but I know there's something.
It's been awhile since I've had that niggling feeling creeping up behind me, been awhile since something has been waiting to pounce and I'm pretty sure it's just around the corner now. The last time I had a taste of this feeling was quite some time ago. Maybe I'm reading too much into it. I do that so often in my life. Or maybe something does really exist there. Perhaps it's not just me who sees it either. There's magic twirling around people who fit in the way we all want to in this life. Magic energising the soul when that special bond is found. It may never go further or deeper than that and yet its simplicity is somehow everything and more we had ever hoped for. Sometimes it's the quiet moments, or the silent words that create miracles. Often I wonder if I'm alone in my over-analysis of the human mind and everything it creates yet on and on I ponder, hoping everyday for it to become clearer and a little easier to understand.
Is it the thrill of the catch that intrigues us or is there really something more at the core? I'm still trying to figure out what lies at my core. Am I a hard, hot rock in the middle or a gooey liquid melt waiting to ooze out? Am I a soul filled with love and light who looks for and follows a life emerged in experience and the will to grow or am I stuck in ways I've known for so long? I'm still searching.... I'm still trying... and with everyday I am learning more. I want it all. I want to be inside. I want to be inside everything and everyone and this place we created. I want to see it all and understand it all and embrace all that I am able to. These people make me whole. They make me who I am and I am touched that they are a part of me. So many different lives and worlds intertwined for the one simple purpose and for whatever reason, in this day and this month and this year, we are the ones who are here. It might not be what any of us are truly looking for yet somehow we all ended up here. I am thankful for that and thankful for today. The appreciation of this knowledge and relief of being here together is somehow lost in the pettiness of people unwilling to learn. I don't get brought down with them here. Maybe that's why I have stayed. To learn and to find a safe haven here within these four little walls. I feel free from myself today. In this moment, I fit here. I wonder if they see what I see? I wonder if I'm alone in my own thoughts. I don't feel I am. They know. We all see each other and that's all I could ever ask for. Thank you for today.

Stop

Stop and take a breath,
A minute to breathe in this very air
In the morning your head will clear
And things wont be as bad as you remember
Rest your little head on my shoulder
Shh we'll be quiet and calm
You are safe here with me
Believe me, for I will always tell you the truth
You tend to rush around, look as busy as you can
Like there's somewhere to go
Another place you have to be
With more people left to please
This is not true sweet one
For you are perfect without this bustle
The constant fuss that you create around us all
We will cherish you no matter how it is you act
But inside there is more than you think
What is it you seek?
For you, for yourself?
I don’t believe this is it
What you're living here today
Let yourself smile
Feel it creep up on your lips
Let it be real this time
No acting for us here is allowed

Smoke

Smoke with me darling
Here, take my light
Inhale nice and deep
I'll stay with you tonight
Inside with a breath
Feel it in your lungs
It's pulsing through your veins
Sucking up all your wrongs
Open your pretty lips
Let the smokey air escape
The comfort you feel now
Gripping its paper white
Between your fingertips
Has this hit been what you seek
Do you feel in control
Oh you think you're so unique
With it's dirty grey smoke
Circling inside your lungs
You sit there looking wise
But inside you're still so young

Like Fire

Why is it that I am always craving what I do not currently possess? It's a deep urning I have. A fire that never fully burns out and then with no warning at all, someone or something throws some sticks and wood on me. Sets me off burning again. Fuels the soothing ashes and reignites the hot orange flames. Perhaps I am the fire and my inspiration its kindle. Without the muse, I lay low and quiet, smoldering ever so faintly. I've been lit. Today, in this moment, I am a-light. I have been fueled once more and my tiny copper remains are now large and alive. I am waiting to show the world the beauty I possess. The beauty hidden within these sizzling, flushed flames I call my own. There must be more to this life than what we are taught. We, as a majority are losing sight of what is beautiful and what is raw. I wish to breathe in every piece of this life I have been given. My desire is to feel the softness of your flesh. Graze my feet with the rough touch of pebbles beneath my toes. Lay with me here and take in this sky. It is a world of it's own. I wish to be a part of that world. See through my eyes. Let me see through yours. Allow yourself to witness the beauty I see before me. Breathe. Deeply. Take this moment in. I feel my fire burning within your chest, as honest as it is warm. Don't let go now, for it is these moments we take for granted.
Hands, soft, smooth, warm. Touch this night. We have lost what it means to touch. Touch me. We are all touching one another somehow, often through physical means and at other times without realisation. This is the best form of touch. A touch that stems deeper than any form of physical expression. Am I touching you now? I have been touched. Not by hands, or lips, but by images and words. Thank you for touching me. It has loosened the firmness of the belt that has been strapping me to this ride. Suddenly I am not frightened to fall off. You don't know me. Nor do I really know you. Yet I know your words and I feel as though I met your eyes a thousand years ago. You are an artist and age is irrelevant in the world that I seek. Your wisdom is far beyond your years. You have been here before, and your depth is inspiring. Without a world of dreamers and artists what are we? We should not be afraid to dream. We should not be afraid to love. We are all artists in some form. Let us not hide from that knowledge. I don’t want to be forever trapped in a body grown old and aged with fear. A fear of failure, a fear of the unexpected, a fear of change. For it is these things that create a life. A life that was meant to be lived. Are we living? When I am old and my bones brittle, I wish to say I have seen the world and what it has to offer. Through my own eyes as well as through the eyes of others. I wish to die rich with knowledge, but not the kind written in text books. I don't wish to be rich with money that is so easily wasted away on possessions and idealistic natures. Wasted on what is fake and what should not be seen as important. Children, elderly, we are all the same souls, our only difference is time. Time used or time wasted. I wish never to waste this precious time again. I have not yet seen all I wish to see. I look forward to seeing and learning about what I do not already know. I look forward to this fire never dying out. But most of all I look forward to meeting you. It could be that we are all like fire, needing to be constantly re-lit. We will continue to burn as brightly as today allows... and I will burn because I see the fire in you and that gives me hope. Hope for mankind and most of all, hope for our futures.

Rain

Pitter patter down
Watch it pitter patter down
The rain it showers down
On this soft bed of ground

Softly falling down
I watch them softly rolling down
Your tears, you let them down
I kiss them off your cheek

Let yourself lay down
With you, I will lay down
Together we'll go down
No need to make a sound

How quiet it is down
Down here on the damp ground
Down low without a sound
But look at what we've found

Pretty things will come down
I'll lay underneath as you tumble down
What is up must one day come down
But I'll kiss you goodbye before we drown

Tick Tock

Does it frighten you how well I know you?
I can read you like a book
I see right through your skin
Like a window I am looking in
Your picture is of my own creation
I've painted your lines a thousand times before
The hues I've used are of grey and white
This is how I see you beneath my light
I could draw you with my eyes closed
As the image is etched into my brain
It hides beneath the surface
The same feeling that's pulsing through your veins
If you were a mathematical equation
One plus one would not be two
A story line so simple
Could never be the story of you
So how is it that I know this?
Perhaps better than you know it yourself
Because your story was written long ago
And was hidden high up on the shelf
You're workings are like a clock
You tick, tick, tock away
You think without your ticking
The whole world would stop one day
I assure you that it wont
The time will continue to fly right on by
Until one day you stop and realise
That you stand on your own
And this is the reason why
You see, your book has been read through
And was cast off to one side
For the same reason your picture hangs alone
Someone was lost within their own pride
Thinking too much about their ticking and their tock
Left a poor mans heart closed and locked

The Rain From Your Eyes

The rain, it pitter patters
Softly down and dampens the ground
The way that it did
The days before I left
Your tear filled face
Still left in my head
Sadness behind your eyes
As the last words were said
The rain falling down my window
In streaks of clear droplets
Reminds me of you that day
Watching you as I drove away
That grey and dull afternoon
Trying to say our last goodbyes
Staring at your lonely figure
Glued to that image
Reflected in my review mirror
Your face all blurred
By your tears as well as mine
The rain pouring down today
Makes me think of you
And the times when we were fine
Every time it rains you're all I see
The hidden images become free
And I Imagine these today
Today of all the days
But only one year later as it rains
It is clear how much has changed

Youth

Youth, the innocence of time
Remaining forever sacred
Purity of the unknown
Untouched wisdom beyond petite years
A soul created blank
Awaits the artist within
To colour the canvas with life
To teach us that which we do not already know
To be born is to bring life
And with it a language left unheard
Spoken through mere honesty
As only emotion can truly comprehend
The spiel of our children
Life's key to realism and truth
To speak without words
The blessing with which we were formed
Is a skill we learn to forget
By the years of clouded remains
A stretch of time to reflect
To believe beyond the stars
Of our natures true intentions
And be the freshness of our bloom
Continual questions pondered
The remedy never equals a cure
Of a thought still left unanswered
The simplicity is what they seek
In these true unvarnished seconds
Time held within such tiny palms
A simple mind working at its finest
Unscathed by a world of crime
Youth, the language of people
And not only a period of time
To see through the eyes of a child
Would be a blessing in disguise
For the purity of their wisdom
Is taken for granted by mankind
A story told time after time
In the finale we take our final bows
But are they curtsies of any worth
A mind intended to see colours
Blanketed by the fog of only black and white
To listen to our youth
And to see life through their eyes
Is a lesson not taught in class rooms
And a life lived without the lies
Life is what is made
By the person, you or I
The canvas, now a rainbow
Thanks to the tiny artists born within

The Crow

Black and strong and wise
Stops and takes a moment
To breathe in his surrounds
Pray
There seems to be none in sight
So on he lurks to his next port of call

Misunderstood is the life that he leads
Told he's a threat for seeing what he sees
The whine that we hear is his form of speech
So let him be, let him be, he's just a crow

Labelled
By people; he stalks and he waits
Looking to feed on whatever
His tiny mouth will take
Full
He is not, so continue on he will
Until the ache in his stomach is finally filled

Misunderstood is the life that he leads
Told he's a threat for seeing what he sees
The whine that we hear is his form of speech
So let him be, let him be, he's just a crow

What is it he seeks?
He's too dark for us to know
Maybe thats the mystery
Of the big bad black crow

Misunderstood is the life that he leads
Told he's a threat for seeing what he sees
The whine that we hear is his form of speech
So let him be, let him be, he's just a crow

Time

It's funny how time seems to change everything. It creates that space that we all somehow need in order to loosen the grip on something, forget someone or stop the pain that has been throbbing in your chest for so long. Time changes everything and it's this 'everything' that somehow fades to make you suddenly realise, one day, "wow, it's gone". Moving on isn’t always easy and neither is saying goodbye to the times in our life that felt so right but those memories become day by day, a little less clear, until one day you cant even imagine how those times actually felt. You often don't even see it coming; that you've moved on. It's more something that's suddenly revealed, in a single instant.
Don't think I am saying memories will never be important, because the ability we have to remember is priceless. However, it IS reality, that no matter how great memories may be; with a little time, they wont feel as real as they did once upon a time. People come and go, hobbies change and throughout life, so do we as individuals. However, it's the events throughout our lives, the lessons learned and people met that make us richer. So rather than living in the memories that seem so sweet, it may just be worthwhile to take some precious 'time' instead. Who knows? Today just might be the day you stop and see that your 'everything' has faded. You may just see, that now, you don't actually see anything at all and I assure you, if today is that day, it's about time. And really... time is all any of us need....

Goodbyes

So how do you say goodbye to something, or someone you love, or loved so dearly? This is a question that comes up continuously throughout a persons life time and it's another question I ponder often. Just one more theme of the world I wanted to share and reflect upon.
When is enough really enough? How and when do you let go? And should it be an easy thing to do? I personally, am not good at goodbyes, or even goodnights. I believe people are put here on this earth to be cherished and no life should be lived without experiencing the endearing richness that is "love" and the comforting knowledge that you wont be left.
I am definitely a "hanger-on", to love, people, life. I hang on to clothes, experiences and even the little white fortunes out of the fortune cookie. Is 'hanging on' a weakness or a strength? Without the strength of me holding on, to someone or something, many things in my life would be different today. However, my inability to let go, has also lead me to walk head-on into disasters; both big and small.
For some people saying goodbye is easier. "Goodbye I am going home now, I will see you tomorrow", "Goodbye I'll see you next year" or "Goodbye forever". However, no matter the fashion in which these goodbyes are said, to a person like me, it is always received in the same way. As some strange form of disappointment or abandonment.
I believe somewhere deep inside that a "goodbye" is never really as final as the person saying it believes it to be. Goodbye is nearly like a bluff, a way of showing a "strength" or at least what society considers a strength. Like the potential to remove themselves somehow creates a wall between them and the person or thing they're leaving behind. Are they really leaving anything behind though? Or are they simply putting that part of themselves in a little box and storing it on a shelf because in that moment in time it seems like the easiest thing to do? Goodbyes make no sense to me and it is for this reason that I have spent so long of my short lived life trying to find some answer my head will be half happy with............................

Believe

All I can think is, maybe you're scared because deep down, you know exactly what you want. Maybe you're scared because having the knowledge, of knowing deep down what your heart truly desires puts you in a position you're not often in. A position of vulnerability. Being vulnerable scares you. I know it, you know it, anyone who knows you knows it. Being vulnerable doesn't scare me. It drives me. That's where we differ, you and me. I'm not scared of the truth in the form of vulnerability and honesty. I encourage the mind to walk around in a dazed state, ruled and lead by its master, the heart. A body and mind lead by a heart and soul can never be wrong. Maybe a heart ruled by the mind is smarter and often more protected but in the eyes of a believer such as myself, it will never be truly fulfilled. Are you fulfilled right now? Were you then? Does the answer even matter? Don't shy away from it, I know in your heart you know. Even if you don't want to. You're good at being blind where these questions are concerned. But I have seen the truth in you, so I know it exists.
It's easier to pretend it doesn't exist isn't it? Easier to build your wall up high and walk in the other direction. It's not a game, and a heart should never be played with, nor taken for granted. Was I a game? If so, I guess it means I lost this one. I'm okay with that.
Or is this a game of my own now? My wall? I guess we never really know a person well enough to tell. That's why we have mouths and ears, to talk and listen. That's why we have emotions and bodies, to feel and act on those feelings.
But what's the point in having any of these gifts if we neglect them? If we put them in a shoebox to sit and get dusty on the shelf. Or perhaps we aren't storing them away at all? Perhaps we use them everyday, but perhaps we use them on people they weren't intended to be wasted on?
You act indeed; as do I. Is the act making it easier?
You're on my mind... am I on yours? Has it been the same since? Have you felt it again? The way you felt it then? Too many questions, perhaps a little too late, and even if they weren't late... you never were the talker anyway.
So as I sit here, no further in my own mind, I await the gentle guidance of a familiar heart and I listen to a song over again that my lonely heart believes you may benefit from hearing.....

"Say"

Take all of your wasted honor
Every little past frustration
Take all of your so-called problems,
Better put ‘em in quotations

Say what you need to say

Walking like a one man army
Fighting with the shadows in your head
Living out the same old moment
Knowing you’d be better off instead,
If you only could . . .

Say what you need to say

Have no fear for giving in
Have no fear for giving over
You’d better know that in the end
Its better to say too much
Then never say what you need to say again

Even if your hands are shaking
And your faith is broken
Even as the eyes are closing
Do it with a heart wide open

Say what you need to say


Saying is easier than we all think..... especially when its saying it to a trusted heart. I want to believe you're deeper than this front. Show me there's a reason to keep believing.

Ballerina Girl

Ballerina girl
Dressed for her ballerina world
Spinning on her toes
To the soothing melody
Of the pretty music box
Ballerina toes
Dancing on raindrops
Draping with silk
Pretty in her pink
Twirling through stars
Twinkling with grace
Quickly she glides
Delicate with pride
The strength of a dancer
Beam rays from inside
Her fine lines adored
With her curtsy
They all applaud
Red curtains closing
Velvety to touch
She's kind like an angel
Pirouettes through the clouds
Soft in a sky full of white
Peacefully she creates a perfect light
Her style so sleek
Poise greater than those before
A beauty we all seek
To watch her is bliss
Her gift is so unique
Our ballerina girl
Watch her soar
Beyond this world