She is... quite simply... perfection at its finest.
Thursday, April 30, 2009
She was broken
She was broken
But didn't see it at all
Her insides strong
Fighting on
Outsides weak
Her future looking dreary and meek
Bones brittle and small
Dark circles looping the holes
Where her eyes used to sit
Up high on her face
Where they once sparkled and shone
Bringing her being to life
Over time the dark grew and grew
Along with the voices inside her head
Enveloping all that she knew
Taking her flesh as its very own
Creating a sea of black
In an ocean which the light once made clear
Robbing her soul of all it could be
It rained in her eyes
Even on the days there was sun
And the people around her expected
To see this storm on her face
For all her days to come
But she remained in her way strong
Built her brick walls up high
Tall enough to shield her pain
From nosy and peering eyes
She hid herself from life so well
That when faced with a mirror
Not even she recognised
The hideous beast
Which she, herself had created
Haggard and hallow
Was the picture of her empty shell
Cradling inside her lonely and cold heart
Which she'd trapped and left to die
Inside her abused and mutilated body
But didn't see it at all
Her insides strong
Fighting on
Outsides weak
Her future looking dreary and meek
Bones brittle and small
Dark circles looping the holes
Where her eyes used to sit
Up high on her face
Where they once sparkled and shone
Bringing her being to life
Over time the dark grew and grew
Along with the voices inside her head
Enveloping all that she knew
Taking her flesh as its very own
Creating a sea of black
In an ocean which the light once made clear
Robbing her soul of all it could be
It rained in her eyes
Even on the days there was sun
And the people around her expected
To see this storm on her face
For all her days to come
But she remained in her way strong
Built her brick walls up high
Tall enough to shield her pain
From nosy and peering eyes
She hid herself from life so well
That when faced with a mirror
Not even she recognised
The hideous beast
Which she, herself had created
Haggard and hallow
Was the picture of her empty shell
Cradling inside her lonely and cold heart
Which she'd trapped and left to die
Inside her abused and mutilated body
Tuesday, April 14, 2009
Rainy Memories...
It's raining... and it's coming down pretty heavily. I love that sound. Rain heavy on a tin roof. It reminds me of my parents house and a cuddly comforting feeling warms my heart as I think of those misty mountain days I grew up wishing for. Nothing is quite like this sound... nor the image I've built in my mind to accompany its delivery.
Those were the days I felt comfort in a way I could always count on. Warmth regardless of the temperature outside. So many good things coexist in my mind with those days.
When I was a child, a day like this may have occured during school hours. We all would have eaten our lunch in our classrooms rather than outside and the rooms would always appear more brightly lit than usual due to the intense darkness created by the commanding clouds. I loved eating lunch in the class room. I felt close to everyone in these times. A whole class sitting within four built up walls... and when our day would come to an end, Mum would be there waiting for me and my brother; ready to take us home.
Seeing my Mum's face was always a comfort in itself, not to mention how comforting her scent was. She'd always have the biggest grin on her face and give us a big kiss and cuddle. Usually on these days, she'd take us to the Kurrajong Bakery and buy us something warm like meat pies or spinach quiches. We'd take them home and eat them while she got ready to teach. Often she'd have already lit the old-school oven fire and as soon as we set foot inside the door, we would feel the toasty warm temperature contrast with the brutal chill of the outside air. I remember the these days... Mum would call them "Misty Mountain" days... and that's still how I remember them today. Best days of my life.
If we had a day like this on the weekend, usually some of our friends would come around and we'd make indoor cubby houses, constructed by upside down couches. We'd even put the tiny TV in there and watch cartoons. Mum would cut us up celery and feed it to us with our favourite french onion dip. If I close my eyes, I can still picture it as if it had happened yesterday. Sometimes though, when we were feeling really adventurous, we'd go walking in the rain. My friends and I would venture into the muddy lanes and tracks that were by then filled with water, gushing rapidly towards us with nowhere else to go. At times there would be so much rain and water that our driveway would flood completely and our lane would form puddles and streams making it virtually impossible to drive down. My friends and I would pick the wet leaves and flowers off the plants and trees... hoping to pick enough for our various arts and crafts pojects we had constantly in the works. When we'd come inside, sometimes mum would have made her vegie soup... hearty and hot... just the way it should be! We'd dip buttered bread cut into two triangles in it and giggle while we drew and made plans for our crafty inventions.
As we got older though, which was bound to happen... these days began to represent different things.
An old friend and I used to cuddle in this weather and not come out of my room for days at a time. I'm pretty sure I used to devour baked potato during this time in my life. Topped with plenty of salt and sour cream. I can't even remember the last time I had sour cream! He loved me anyway though... despite my weird fetish for sour cream! There were a lot of rainy days I remember him being with me... these days were priceless.
Then there was a boy... who I used to msg endlessly when it rained. Back and forth, back and forth into the early hours of the morning. We'd talk about the sound of the rain on the roof, and I think all we ever wanted to do was dance under its soothing droplets until we were soaked all the way through. I used to tell him to kiss the rain... lyrics from a song that I thought summed us up nicely. It went something like "kiss the rain whenever you need me, kiss the rain whenever I'm gone too long, if your lips feel hungry and thirsty, kiss the rain and wait for the dawn. Keep in mind, we're under the same sky and the night is as empty for me as for you, if you feel you can't wait til morning, kiss the rain"... and whenever it rains, it's hard for me not to think of him and kissing the rain in our memory.
Then I had a boyfriend who came to represent to me what this weather means. Even though he was a sunshine boy all the way and to be honest, I think I spent more time at the beach during the time him and I dated than I had my entire life. We were definitely beach kids together... rocking our beach/street branded clothing. Trekking to Manly Beach, the old train-and-ferry style way in an attempt to show off our dedication to the sun and our love for all things beach. It's funny though because the rainy days somehow ended us being what made us. There was no excuse to get out of bed when it rained. No point and everyone knew it. So no one questioned it. If we were up to it though, we'd venture out come night time for a dinner and movie combo C/O the good old Regent Twin Cinemas... ooooh those were the days. Raining on the tin roof is definitely a sound I remember from that time in my life.
I guess rain on a roof somehow can always easily be associated with love and bed and all things couple-related. Aswell as with hot chocolates; where melty marshmellows are bathing in a sea of milky goodness.
The rain makes me think of a time when there was a flood. We wanted it to flood. We loved the rain and the dance it formed across the sky. The pellets heavy on the front screen of the car, as we drove through feilds of heavy green mush and puddles of deep water. These few days in the flood were everything I loved about us. The simplicity and perfection of a look and a touch. The perfection of the rain and all it represented. A lifetime of nights and days spent in bed beneath warm sheets, skin on skin and bodies held close. When I hear a rain like tonight it reminds me of those times.... as perfect and as clear as they were and should have been, always held close and dear in my heart. Always the rainy story of us.
I've lived overseas in the rain, I've lived here at home in the rain and where ever I go, alone or not, these moments in time are by far my favourite. I hold on to the images and memories of all the times the rain and I have shared, and I smile. When I think back over the buckets of rain I could have captured during the time I have lived... the misty mountain backdrop is always there, regardless of the memory... and my love for the rain and the times spent in its company is endless.....
Those were the days I felt comfort in a way I could always count on. Warmth regardless of the temperature outside. So many good things coexist in my mind with those days.
When I was a child, a day like this may have occured during school hours. We all would have eaten our lunch in our classrooms rather than outside and the rooms would always appear more brightly lit than usual due to the intense darkness created by the commanding clouds. I loved eating lunch in the class room. I felt close to everyone in these times. A whole class sitting within four built up walls... and when our day would come to an end, Mum would be there waiting for me and my brother; ready to take us home.
Seeing my Mum's face was always a comfort in itself, not to mention how comforting her scent was. She'd always have the biggest grin on her face and give us a big kiss and cuddle. Usually on these days, she'd take us to the Kurrajong Bakery and buy us something warm like meat pies or spinach quiches. We'd take them home and eat them while she got ready to teach. Often she'd have already lit the old-school oven fire and as soon as we set foot inside the door, we would feel the toasty warm temperature contrast with the brutal chill of the outside air. I remember the these days... Mum would call them "Misty Mountain" days... and that's still how I remember them today. Best days of my life.
If we had a day like this on the weekend, usually some of our friends would come around and we'd make indoor cubby houses, constructed by upside down couches. We'd even put the tiny TV in there and watch cartoons. Mum would cut us up celery and feed it to us with our favourite french onion dip. If I close my eyes, I can still picture it as if it had happened yesterday. Sometimes though, when we were feeling really adventurous, we'd go walking in the rain. My friends and I would venture into the muddy lanes and tracks that were by then filled with water, gushing rapidly towards us with nowhere else to go. At times there would be so much rain and water that our driveway would flood completely and our lane would form puddles and streams making it virtually impossible to drive down. My friends and I would pick the wet leaves and flowers off the plants and trees... hoping to pick enough for our various arts and crafts pojects we had constantly in the works. When we'd come inside, sometimes mum would have made her vegie soup... hearty and hot... just the way it should be! We'd dip buttered bread cut into two triangles in it and giggle while we drew and made plans for our crafty inventions.
As we got older though, which was bound to happen... these days began to represent different things.
An old friend and I used to cuddle in this weather and not come out of my room for days at a time. I'm pretty sure I used to devour baked potato during this time in my life. Topped with plenty of salt and sour cream. I can't even remember the last time I had sour cream! He loved me anyway though... despite my weird fetish for sour cream! There were a lot of rainy days I remember him being with me... these days were priceless.
Then there was a boy... who I used to msg endlessly when it rained. Back and forth, back and forth into the early hours of the morning. We'd talk about the sound of the rain on the roof, and I think all we ever wanted to do was dance under its soothing droplets until we were soaked all the way through. I used to tell him to kiss the rain... lyrics from a song that I thought summed us up nicely. It went something like "kiss the rain whenever you need me, kiss the rain whenever I'm gone too long, if your lips feel hungry and thirsty, kiss the rain and wait for the dawn. Keep in mind, we're under the same sky and the night is as empty for me as for you, if you feel you can't wait til morning, kiss the rain"... and whenever it rains, it's hard for me not to think of him and kissing the rain in our memory.
Then I had a boyfriend who came to represent to me what this weather means. Even though he was a sunshine boy all the way and to be honest, I think I spent more time at the beach during the time him and I dated than I had my entire life. We were definitely beach kids together... rocking our beach/street branded clothing. Trekking to Manly Beach, the old train-and-ferry style way in an attempt to show off our dedication to the sun and our love for all things beach. It's funny though because the rainy days somehow ended us being what made us. There was no excuse to get out of bed when it rained. No point and everyone knew it. So no one questioned it. If we were up to it though, we'd venture out come night time for a dinner and movie combo C/O the good old Regent Twin Cinemas... ooooh those were the days. Raining on the tin roof is definitely a sound I remember from that time in my life.
I guess rain on a roof somehow can always easily be associated with love and bed and all things couple-related. Aswell as with hot chocolates; where melty marshmellows are bathing in a sea of milky goodness.
The rain makes me think of a time when there was a flood. We wanted it to flood. We loved the rain and the dance it formed across the sky. The pellets heavy on the front screen of the car, as we drove through feilds of heavy green mush and puddles of deep water. These few days in the flood were everything I loved about us. The simplicity and perfection of a look and a touch. The perfection of the rain and all it represented. A lifetime of nights and days spent in bed beneath warm sheets, skin on skin and bodies held close. When I hear a rain like tonight it reminds me of those times.... as perfect and as clear as they were and should have been, always held close and dear in my heart. Always the rainy story of us.
I've lived overseas in the rain, I've lived here at home in the rain and where ever I go, alone or not, these moments in time are by far my favourite. I hold on to the images and memories of all the times the rain and I have shared, and I smile. When I think back over the buckets of rain I could have captured during the time I have lived... the misty mountain backdrop is always there, regardless of the memory... and my love for the rain and the times spent in its company is endless.....
Sunday, April 12, 2009
Persuasion
You are incredibly persuasive
When you want to be
Which just so happens
To be pretty much all the time
With your eyes
You know how to command a room
As if it were a little secret
You'd kept with you and yourself
Secretly plotted away
Quietly planning your every move
Next port of call
Docking station unveiled
A commander ready to instruct
Be obeyed by your following team
Tall, in control and empty
Of all your own fears
Everybody knows
You're incapable to feel
And release the possibilities
Of a lifetime of tears
Better to live life like this
Be made never to open up
Form a comforting drama
A play of your very own
Written and already know
The lines; the essence of yourself
You've acted them out aloud
A thousand times before
In times gone by and through
On a stage before them all
Reciting the words in mass
And now I see why it is so simple
To give into a person like you
When you parade yourself to those
Who do not know
What it means to be true
Create your safe haven
Invite them all to go
Sit with them awhile
Warp them to think the way you do
Though The question I still hold
In the palm of my tiny hand
Is if your nest is quite as safe
As safe as you'd intended;
And planned?
When you want to be
Which just so happens
To be pretty much all the time
With your eyes
You know how to command a room
As if it were a little secret
You'd kept with you and yourself
Secretly plotted away
Quietly planning your every move
Next port of call
Docking station unveiled
A commander ready to instruct
Be obeyed by your following team
Tall, in control and empty
Of all your own fears
Everybody knows
You're incapable to feel
And release the possibilities
Of a lifetime of tears
Better to live life like this
Be made never to open up
Form a comforting drama
A play of your very own
Written and already know
The lines; the essence of yourself
You've acted them out aloud
A thousand times before
In times gone by and through
On a stage before them all
Reciting the words in mass
And now I see why it is so simple
To give into a person like you
When you parade yourself to those
Who do not know
What it means to be true
Create your safe haven
Invite them all to go
Sit with them awhile
Warp them to think the way you do
Though The question I still hold
In the palm of my tiny hand
Is if your nest is quite as safe
As safe as you'd intended;
And planned?
Friday, April 10, 2009
All this nothing
I do not care
Nor do I have any interest
I can not retain a single sound
The becoming of too many words
Forming useless sentences
Unable to be transformed
Into any real use of my own
Or knowledge worthwhile
Locking into this head
Imagine what it is to be trapped
In the cage we call our mind
The bars on such cells
Seem to be standing far too wide
Enabling me and these god awful words
To pass right through its metal frame
To glide and break out;
Learn to roam free
Into the minds of those
Desperate with hunger for it's sense
Thirsty for the knowledge it represents
Their desire exceeding
All that of a natural form
Leaving them full
And fat with such a grasp
Wisdom creating the illusion
Of a brain left healthy and wise
A healthy head full of nothing
This nothing; nothing but lies
Nor do I have any interest
I can not retain a single sound
The becoming of too many words
Forming useless sentences
Unable to be transformed
Into any real use of my own
Or knowledge worthwhile
Locking into this head
Imagine what it is to be trapped
In the cage we call our mind
The bars on such cells
Seem to be standing far too wide
Enabling me and these god awful words
To pass right through its metal frame
To glide and break out;
Learn to roam free
Into the minds of those
Desperate with hunger for it's sense
Thirsty for the knowledge it represents
Their desire exceeding
All that of a natural form
Leaving them full
And fat with such a grasp
Wisdom creating the illusion
Of a brain left healthy and wise
A healthy head full of nothing
This nothing; nothing but lies
The world in its glory
And when the world
Has come to its end
When it has done all
It was intended to do
We can sit back
And take some time
To recall it all;
All we've been through
Write about it
For all the days to come
In all its glory
And what is still yet to be
Has come to its end
When it has done all
It was intended to do
We can sit back
And take some time
To recall it all;
All we've been through
Write about it
For all the days to come
In all its glory
And what is still yet to be
Tired Eyes
Tired eyes
Oh sleepy one
Come to bed
Rest your tired head
Lay yourself
Up here on my chest
Cuddle in
Nice and tight
Stroke my hair
I'll hold you close
And stare into your eyes
Until both eyes fall shut
Oh sleepy one
Come to bed
Rest your tired head
Lay yourself
Up here on my chest
Cuddle in
Nice and tight
Stroke my hair
I'll hold you close
And stare into your eyes
Until both eyes fall shut
Saturday, April 4, 2009
What I Think...
I think you fell in love with me and I think it was unexpected
I think I fell in love with you and that was unexpected too
I think you realised that perhaps I was the girl for you
I think it was nice until it went wrong
I think that I hurt you and you can blame me for that
I think you loved spending all your time with me
I think we were head over heels in love
I think I thought I would never be enough
I think that's why I mucked it all up
I think our eyes and bodies said it all
I think more than our words ever could
I think I was weak
I think you were strong
I think I tried to tell you how much I adored you
I think my words fell on deaf ears though
I think you could have been happy waking up to me everyday
I think the damage had been done and too late to take back
I think you got scared that things would never change for us
I think that made me mad
I think when I got mad, it made you even madder
I think you're still angry with me
I think maybe I'm angry with myself
I think I blame myself
I think if I had known myself better we wouldn't be where we are now
I think I am a lover and always have been
I think I live purely to love
I think to love can cause pain
I think a deep love is also rare to find
I think it's something that shouldn't be so easily discarded
I think that I love you
I think that you love me too
I think I can't convince you now though and
I think you'll say I'm wrong
I think you think I'm always wrong
I think love isn't meant to be easy
I think it can be incredible if you let it
I think that I still love you
Though, I think that you know that too.
I think I fell in love with you and that was unexpected too
I think you realised that perhaps I was the girl for you
I think it was nice until it went wrong
I think that I hurt you and you can blame me for that
I think you loved spending all your time with me
I think we were head over heels in love
I think I thought I would never be enough
I think that's why I mucked it all up
I think our eyes and bodies said it all
I think more than our words ever could
I think I was weak
I think you were strong
I think I tried to tell you how much I adored you
I think my words fell on deaf ears though
I think you could have been happy waking up to me everyday
I think the damage had been done and too late to take back
I think you got scared that things would never change for us
I think that made me mad
I think when I got mad, it made you even madder
I think you're still angry with me
I think maybe I'm angry with myself
I think I blame myself
I think if I had known myself better we wouldn't be where we are now
I think I am a lover and always have been
I think I live purely to love
I think to love can cause pain
I think a deep love is also rare to find
I think it's something that shouldn't be so easily discarded
I think that I love you
I think that you love me too
I think I can't convince you now though and
I think you'll say I'm wrong
I think you think I'm always wrong
I think love isn't meant to be easy
I think it can be incredible if you let it
I think that I still love you
Though, I think that you know that too.
Back To Bones
I feel it coming up my spine
It has started again, I have crossed that line
That line I have been trying so hard not to cross
But it is all that is left when all else is lost
It's a form of control, I know that now
I can't keep anything I put in down
It's the only way I know how to cope
When there is no reason left for me to hope
Heart is shattered, torn to bits
Only one person knows how that puzzle fits
Back together to make me once more whole
But that person knows, that they own the control
It is not a fault of anyone that this is me
It is just the way my mind chose for me to be
Just a little girl hoping and waiting for love
To have, to give to hold high above
Put you on a pedestal, my heart says that is where you belong
Push myself down as far as I can go
Under your feet and muddy from the dirt
Laying below, in pain from the hurt
Do you even see it? It appears you do not
Leave me here alone, soon I shall begin to rot
And shrink and die and turn back to bones
Is this what you wanted?
It is only you who can truly know
It has started again, I have crossed that line
That line I have been trying so hard not to cross
But it is all that is left when all else is lost
It's a form of control, I know that now
I can't keep anything I put in down
It's the only way I know how to cope
When there is no reason left for me to hope
Heart is shattered, torn to bits
Only one person knows how that puzzle fits
Back together to make me once more whole
But that person knows, that they own the control
It is not a fault of anyone that this is me
It is just the way my mind chose for me to be
Just a little girl hoping and waiting for love
To have, to give to hold high above
Put you on a pedestal, my heart says that is where you belong
Push myself down as far as I can go
Under your feet and muddy from the dirt
Laying below, in pain from the hurt
Do you even see it? It appears you do not
Leave me here alone, soon I shall begin to rot
And shrink and die and turn back to bones
Is this what you wanted?
It is only you who can truly know
A not so mathematical equation
Butterflies by the dozen + Fast beating hearts = Me when I am with you
Oh what a night!
Just got home from a night out with some really great people. The kind they portray in our favourite movies. You know, the characters who have known each other since school and somehow managed to keep in touch despite the time, distance and change experienced by each and every single one of them. As crazy as it sounds, and though it is only a few who ultimately deserve the mention, a night out such as tonight, filled with faces who knew me once puts me on the greatest of great highs... and yes - I had a fantastic time over-thinking every detail on the walk home. ;)
Thursday, April 2, 2009
Picture Perfect Love
I remember a time long ago when we looked out onto a city in the same way as we are in this moment right here . All those years ago, I remember waiting in a very long line, to go up a very high tower, in a very cool city which we would only a few years later end up calling our home. I remember this day all those years ago as clearly as I remember this recent trip from only a few months ago.It's something about this photo though that really gets me. A photo has the power of a thousand words and this photo to me is priceless. Photos are the moments in time which cannot be explained or captured through any other means. They're the seconds in life which are snapped for a reason. To see what it is we may perhaps not see ourselves. If this is how we're seen to the outside world, you and I. In our quiet moments of generally being 'us', then I like the view the rest of the world gets. Five whole years later from that first visit up a tower so mighty and high and I believe we still look exactly as we did way back then. Perhaps only now, even stronger. If you are still standing there and we continue to look like this for the rest of our days, I don't think we could possibly ask for anything more than that. Love doesn't need to be spoken out loud because love fills the moments like these and it's eternal presence is always felt, even when all else remains still. When I look at this four sided box which contains a moment of our life, it's clear the strong love that exists. This is exactly what I was put here to feel and be a part of... the quiet but almighty picture perfect love. x
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