Believe

All I can think is, maybe you're scared because deep down, you know exactly what you want. Maybe you're scared because having the knowledge, of knowing deep down what your heart truly desires puts you in a position you're not often in. A position of vulnerability. Being vulnerable scares you. I know it, you know it, anyone who knows you knows it. Being vulnerable doesn't scare me. It drives me. That's where we differ, you and me. I'm not scared of the truth in the form of vulnerability and honesty. I encourage the mind to walk around in a dazed state, ruled and lead by its master, the heart. A body and mind lead by a heart and soul can never be wrong. Maybe a heart ruled by the mind is smarter and often more protected but in the eyes of a believer such as myself, it will never be truly fulfilled. Are you fulfilled right now? Were you then? Does the answer even matter? Don't shy away from it, I know in your heart you know. Even if you don't want to. You're good at being blind where these questions are concerned. But I have seen the truth in you, so I know it exists.
It's easier to pretend it doesn't exist isn't it? Easier to build your wall up high and walk in the other direction. It's not a game, and a heart should never be played with, nor taken for granted. Was I a game? If so, I guess it means I lost this one. I'm okay with that.
Or is this a game of my own now? My wall? I guess we never really know a person well enough to tell. That's why we have mouths and ears, to talk and listen. That's why we have emotions and bodies, to feel and act on those feelings.
But what's the point in having any of these gifts if we neglect them? If we put them in a shoebox to sit and get dusty on the shelf. Or perhaps we aren't storing them away at all? Perhaps we use them everyday, but perhaps we use them on people they weren't intended to be wasted on?
You act indeed; as do I. Is the act making it easier?
You're on my mind... am I on yours? Has it been the same since? Have you felt it again? The way you felt it then? Too many questions, perhaps a little too late, and even if they weren't late... you never were the talker anyway.
So as I sit here, no further in my own mind, I await the gentle guidance of a familiar heart and I listen to a song over again that my lonely heart believes you may benefit from hearing.....

"Say"

Take all of your wasted honor
Every little past frustration
Take all of your so-called problems,
Better put ‘em in quotations

Say what you need to say

Walking like a one man army
Fighting with the shadows in your head
Living out the same old moment
Knowing you’d be better off instead,
If you only could . . .

Say what you need to say

Have no fear for giving in
Have no fear for giving over
You’d better know that in the end
Its better to say too much
Then never say what you need to say again

Even if your hands are shaking
And your faith is broken
Even as the eyes are closing
Do it with a heart wide open

Say what you need to say


Saying is easier than we all think..... especially when its saying it to a trusted heart. I want to believe you're deeper than this front. Show me there's a reason to keep believing.