I still miss you

I'm not sure how it happened. Any of it really. And I think more than anything I am letting myself lay in the pool of wallowing whispers because it has been so long since I allowed myself to feel anything even close to the feelings my mind has created since knowing you.
I was the one who never thought anything of our meeting, never saw a future or even gestured towards the idea of it. It didn't seem feasible, or make any sense. It would seem every inch of reality would have an answer to why the story of us would never end happily. That all unravelled quickly though. Your words mixing with the comforting feeling I let myself begin to feel with you changed everything. A sense of trust formed, along with the constant awareness of another soul as a part of my every day life. Considerations were made between us, compromises and allowances happened naturally and went completely unquestioned. Our laughter was bountiful. A strong constant in our daily routines. I'm still unsure of if I have ever laughed so much with another being before. Our hat full of inside jokes was overflowing after day one and to share a sense of humour together was perhaps the most attractive of all. Everything was natural. More so than I had ever experienced. I didn't question it. Why tamper with nature? Especially the kind that was providing such beauty and peace in my world. There was no reason to wonder how we had got ourselves to the point where we had. It felt right, and that was enough.
Of course it was scary. Without realising, deep down I had become completely petrified of what we would come to mean to each other and how we would feel if it was taken away from us.
The realism of the situation would have to come to play at some point though. But it was hard to have to address that. We had allowed more to flourish between us in four months than I am sure many people do in years. I'm not sure I ever clicked with anyone so instantly and naturally in my entire life and in so many ways, that's almost a curse in disguise. The pressure of the connection we had was overwhelming.
I fell into a trance with you. I could have dropped it all happily to give us a chance - moved home and been completely content with the beautiful simplicity of what we were. That in itself is frightening, for the both of us.
You told me once "I just thought we could have kept doing this forever" and looking back, I wish we could have. I don't blame either one of us, nor fate, for the way our story concluded. It seemed only inevitable that things would end sooner or later. The previous experiences we both had were sure to muddy our waters too and it would have taken so much strength and courage to find a way to maintain whatever we were or weren't.
I was ready to hold your hand through it all... I still remember what my hand feels like in yours, but the intensity of the combination of us needed better timing. And maybe that's all it comes down to once again, the ever controlling concept of time. Time and timing is everything.
I need time to separate us now, in the same way time molded us together and yet every moment of the time spent without you seems to hang frozen. Unlike the time we spent together, which always seemed to race by at an unstoppable pace. Time gave me us and now it is only time that can erase what it helped to create... but the one thing that just doesn't seem to fade or ease with time is how much I miss you... and everything that made us special. My chest aches for your touch and if I had control of the worlds clocks - I'd go back in time for sure, just to stare into those beautiful eyes once more. Then I would hold on to every minute I spent by your side and keep every captured moment forever still in my mind.