blacken my heart

I don't know what just changed, but something suddenly did. Inside of me. Deep down beneath it all. It feels as though I just let go... of everything I have clung to for such a long time.
It's strange when you realise a person isn't who you had thought... or hoped. Even more difficult to encounter when this person is and has been your everything for longer than you care to remember. The one who has been your reason to feel, who has been your sole purpose for existance, giving you the reason to keep on breathing. Time is carried along, the harm of which is shrugged off with the hopes of tomorrow being a better day. This better day never seems to be tomorrow, nor the day after and before you know it, the weeks are rolling into months which are creating the years... the years of time which pass us by almost unnoticed. Time and it's sneaky way of creeping around corners and bending rules to suit itself. Time is playing with our minds and tormenting our ideas while sucking their worth.
It's time who knows how to play us almost as well as we know how to play eachother. I've been played. I know this feeling and I wish it to not be true... but it's there and this time I hope to have the strength to fight the time which ultimately makes the game seem less harsh. It is harsh though. It's a harsh road, it's a tough fight and it's the biggest ride I have to this date ridden.
It's frightening and I'm terribly afraid of what is still yet to come, but at the same time I am angry, in a way I don't often experience. It feels like I've been drenched in gas then set on fire. Flames bursting from within my chest in hot red blasts. Flames of anger... and pain. As reality sets in the anger will fade I am sure, and as my fire sets, the tears and streams of rain will begin to fall down, blackening my fires amber ashes and my heart along with it.
This stings...