It's Funny

I used to know how to write
When I saw it all in black
Being dark creates a brilliant canvas
For a tortured kind of creativity
And assists the deepest part of a soul
To emerge from the very bottom
Of its muted and strangled mud pit
And trudge it out
Like a soldier at war
Curling and weaving a lyrical web
Of battered and articulate art
Direct from a dirty street corner
Or the lowest depths of a firey hell
Where flames fall like rain-drops
Turning tears into pain
While it burns the skin
Off my feet that walk the land
But burning heals
And smoke fades from gray
Life opens its gates
To a luminous sane
With doors wide open
To a porthole of indulgent trust
Clarity and unlimited peace
The pure ability to lust
But the beautiful clear
That in this moment is found
Is mirrored by shock
And a devastating horror compound
As the imaginative creation
Black Bloom begins to die
Slowly sucking from your pores
Rippling effects and altering lives
Then suddenly...
I sit very still in my chair
And I notice
That a life without pain
Is a life without torture
And without this torture
What's left will remain
But a canvas still white
Art of battle wounds maintained
By the abuse and misconduct
Of a creativity devide
Paint is still packaged
In its plastic bow-ties
So your heart has been healed
But the art in you dies


The light is insightful...
But kills an artist all the same.

Red Rose

Red rose
And dainty lines
With tender lips
To fill a kiss
Gentle words
And warmest breath
Rolling down
A delicate neck
Softest hush
Round the bend
Smell as sweet
As winters end
Floral ties
Tangled webs of heat
Bellowing breeze
Beneath thy feet
Jitter bugs
Dance in between
A knowing love
And mouth that weeps
Longing for
A taste that lasts
With passion and colour
Hope summer comes fast
Then a moment evolves
From beneath the sheets
Unveil thy love
For the feeling is sweet
Just like the rose
That lay at thy head
Pretty and perfect
Red on the bed

I like the days when I look up and see a Vanilla Sky - makes me feel not so far away.

"What is happiness to you David?"

LOVE.truth.intense.passion.unreasonable-behaviour.heart-wrenching.influential.hot.red.real.LOVE

"I'll find you again... In another life when we are both cats"

Ow

Hot
Heat
Red
Love
Passion
Lust
Make
That
Sh*t
Last

A Lost Hope?

Goodbye to the days
Of party-bags and fairy bread
And twinkling lights
At Christmas time
The dreams we've lost
In time we'll find
And return to the hopes
Of a child-like mind

With you it's easy...

Black and white
Day and night
Hot and cold
For sale or sold
Stay or go
Swinging to-and-fro
Lying is dying
Forever left crying
Coming or going
Having, not knowing
Rich or poor
But less is more
Lost and found
Stay safe and sound
Mystical light
Forbidden delight
Living is loving
And loving is knowing
Knowing you'll love me
Makes living life easy

An Un-complex Thing

Sometimes when I'm on my own
I think of you
And wonder where in the world you are
Or what it is you may be doing
There was a 'once upon a time'
When I'd have been where you are too
Doing exactly what it is that you are doing
Back in the simpler times
The days gone by
Ones of our youth
When the most complex thing...
Was what to have for dinner

Down By The Pool

She heard a splash
And thought it to be a sound
That had come
From down by the pool
And then she heard giggles
Echoes that bounced up
Drifted over the wall
Straight into the windows
Of the big old lonely house
She stood still in the kitchen
As she had done in times before
And stopped long enough to listen
To the untroubled melodies
Being sung out to the world
And although it had been forever
Forever means nothing
In the land that was made
So she closed her eyes softly
And let only the sound remain
Of the voices as they danced
And played high up in the trees
In a youthful splendor of bliss
Where time is not as it seems
And she smiled as she thought
How much it had been missed
This kind of life delight
The purest sound of happiness
A truth of unflawed devine
The friendship of each other
And trust in the simpler things
A smile to give another
In times...
Is more precious than it seems

A Summer-Time Tale

Come to me
For you
Have the sweetest taste
Like the orchid fruits we ate
Ripe from the summer sun
Rosie cheeked
Tender skinned
And flesh against flesh
We've known so well
Honest and true
Simple without pain
Complex by nature
Easy to maintain
Where did it go
The warmth
From our summer
Spent grazing
In the long stemmed grass
Rolling in leaves
Tumbling down hills
The way children do
In story books
And fairy tales
Up, off and away
To a Neverland of our very own
Where the sky goes on forever
And the stars are always seen
With a blue light shining
Magic rays out onto the land
And a haven where the moon
Is never too far from hand
Everything would be perfect
Everyone safe, without a care
Sweeping the spaces
Layering with life
Filling the time
And fixing its cracks
What a pretty thought
For a pretty pair to share
A simple kind of world
With a never-ending love
Left open
Like the book
That lay still upon my lap
An effortless tale of beauty
Though uniquely unkept
Helping us to believe
In what may still be in store
Waiting for tomorrow
To come bursting through the doors
For the love that is known
Is never too far from home
Should we just
Take one last breath
And open our eyes
And ears
And hearts
To a summer-time tale
And a forever-time love

What We Had All Along

I never thought I'd need a life that was constantly changing to stay inspired...
Because all I ever wanted was a life that stayed still so I'd feel complete.

We always want what we don't have in that moment...
And yet we always want what we had all along.

The perfect kind of pizza...

Hey Darlin'
How've you been?
Been sleepin' enough?
And have you been eatin'?
A nice slice of pizza
A Vegie delight
Top it with olives
And a garlicy bite
No three letter words
To be used around here
You're fine as you are
Quite lovely m'dear

***

For the first time in years
I couldn't feel better
We've spoken about this I know
And you're right...
I needed to get better


(Thanks for the force fed pizza ;))

Helping Helps

I'm glad I found a way
To be there for you
When no one else could
It reminds me of the person
I'd always set out to be
Makes me think
I'm the way I was intended
So maybe helping you
Helped to help me
And I hope that I did
Help you I mean
Because that's all I ever wanted
To be - for you and me

Later...

I saw the pain in your eyes
When no one else could
And I stood incredibly still
Tried not to move an inch
While I did my best to get inside
And figure you out
In that moment I wondered
If you knew that I could see
And if you remembered
That I would always be
The person with the skill
To know it all without trying
And just for a second
Quiet and ever so faint
There was an acknowledgment
Although it was glazed
Followed by yet another round
Of harshly thought out words
Thrown in the direction of me
And my silly little heart
But it's never been in me
To hold that against you
So I nodded - tried not to wince
Flashed you a smile
One you tried hard to miss
And I watched you turn
Then head for the door
And I suddenly had one last thought
"I'm always around"
I remember I said
Though I'm not sure if you heard me
Before you left
Or maybe you did
But at the time it didn't matter
Time changes many things
And you found that out
Later

An Unexpected Warmth

A lot of unexpected things came from my trip back home and I'd like to take this moment to correct something I said last month on arrival into Sydney...

Because what I said then was, that I'd finally found a home... when in fact I'd had one all along - and now I am able to say with all of my being that I have two homes, both equally as important and equally special.
I fit right in the middle of two worlds and regardless of the trouble it can at times cause, I guess I am lucky to say there is more than one place in the whole world that I feel safe and loved.

My trip home (to Sydney) and the past few weeks have been so much more than I ever expected. I caught up with so many people who are really special to me and I smiled more than I have in awhile. This visit, I also remembered how to appreciate where you came from and what your past represents not only today but also for the future.

We have been through a lot... my past and I and not all things turned out how I'd expected (peachy) but while there are plenty of things I still regret or events that play on my mind that I was hurt by... in the end, none of that matters. The vital part of this story is the plot-line that remained from beginning to end with survival of the dramatic climax and all. (Not that this is the end of course!) The important thing is that everyone in life faces trialing days but it's those who weather the storm and come through it with more strength and understanding than ever that count the most.

We've had our rough times Sydney and I've loved escaping you in the past but I can say today with 100% of my heart that I will miss you and the love you showed me this past month.

Maybe all I ever needed was the return to my life of people from my past, along with a bunch of new but equally special friends mixed with weeks worth of smiles, music, photos, dancing and all the people I love in one place. (Well not quite ALL.)

I have been in the past, am still today and probably always will be the naive fool who wants to believe everything is as great as it seems in the moment. And curse or not, and unsure if it all will last - I'm loving what I refound and I hope with all my might that it stays exactly the same. It's been awhile since I belonged and even though it's just the beginning... I'm loving every minute of it.

See you soon my beautiful Sydney - you will be missed.
xo

To the past, future and today.

Some people think time changes everything to a point where it's all too late. Straight to the point where there's no turning back, where all bets are off and everything is out of reach.

These people may be right... after all, who am I to tell anymore?

Though I don't believe life is always this way... there has to be a reason why we all have a past and a reason why we still think of it today.

There may never be a chance to dive back into the days gone by in the way we hope, but perhaps there is a chance to revisit those times while maintaining a smooth and steady transition into the future... whatever it may bring.

Alternatively, who am I kidding? Maybe everything is intertwined for a reason - beyond our control - maybe it's written in the stars and maybe destiny really does exist.

I guess I'm as clueless as I always was... now let me love today for what it is, has and will be.

Cheers - to the past, future and present!

It's not the moon...

But it'll do.

Home is where your heart is...

I left home today and the reason I say this is because perhaps my perception of 'home' has changed. I say this, because today I left him.

It's not like the famous 'airport-goodbye' is a scene I am unfamiliar with, in fact it's quite the opposite.
It is however, an event I don't enjoy. And no matter how well you think you know it, or how ready you appear to be for it... I don't think you can ever predict it 100%. I mean, you can try but the accuracy of the actual event isn't always as you'd had pictured in your head. Sometimes it's harder and at other times I guess it's easier but either way it's emotive.

I've left Sydney (my home of 18 years) plenty of times in the past 5 years and I still remember clearly the ache and initial shock of that very first time I left - knowing I was walking away from such a safe little nest. Today I revisited that pang of 2004 - in fact not even a full hour ago I felt my heart sink once more because I left home again, only this time it wasn't the home called Sydney.

Because after all the years of ups and downs, ins and outs and full-circle roundabouts, I finally feel right where I belong - which is exactly where I always hoped I'd end up. And I'm not scared anymore of admitting that he is my home.

Only now because of this, the leaving 'him' part is even harder because despite how hard the living-in-a-new-country-with-nothing-and-no-one is, it simply doesn't compare with leaving the home I have found with him - in his heart.

All in all, this sucks... but I guess what I can take away from this is confidence; in us and in my own heart for that matter.

Afterall, isn't that all I really write about anyway? Love; finding it, losing it, needing it, wanting it, hating it.

Maybe I haven't been writing a lot lately because I found it - and maybe I wrote in the times I lost it, wanted it, needed it, waited for it and today - I've come full circle; tackled the rollercoaster, out-chased the crazy loops and have found again what I found all those years ago.

Only this time; stronger, sure and definitely more in love than I had dreamed possible.

What else do you say when you don't have to wonder about love anymore? Maybe that's the point... maybe you don't wonder... maybe you just live it.
Live, laugh and love.

Oh there is one more thing..........

I love you - a thousand times over.
xxx

Sleeping and the Internet

Sleeping is so hard when you're not used to it and the Internet does not help with such a problem.

The dark hours seem to be the perfect time to be alive and the silence is in many ways soothing.

Though the wee hours of nightfall can also be lonely. It wouldn't be so bad if there were people to share the time with. Though if there were... it may lose it's appeal.

Perhaps that is what makes the darkness so alluring. It's mystery, stillness and the empty hours to fill for your own. To think for your own. To live for your own. Without the rest of the world interrupting.

I suppose our generation don't know the meaning of true loneliness though.

Perhaps the day the Internet is disconnected once and for all we will finally understand the true meaning of loneliness and on this day, maybe we will hope for light instead of the dark.

No matter how dark, lonely and hopeless we feel, I believe none of us here understand these feelings to their full potential and we can blame the Internet for this.

Thanks Internet... what a help you've been. I may be connected to you, but I'm certainly not as connected to myself or the real world like I should be.

Love at 16

At 16… are you really ready for a relationship of such intensity? When I was 16, I believed whole-heartedly yes, it was possible – more than possible – in fact, I’d go as far as to say I thought it was “normal” to be passionately and irrationally in love at this age.

Then again, what is normal anyway? It’s something which at 16 I certainly wouldn’t have had an answer to - even if I’d have told you I did - and surprisingly enough, or perhaps not so… at 23, I still don’t have an answer to, so perhaps we’ll save that thought to ponder on a rainy day.

The thing is though, in so many TV shows, movies and sometimes even in real life you will hear adults tell these 16 year old youths that they couldn’t possibly understand what love is – let alone be in, or maintain a relationship with the level of maturity required to actually LOVE someone.

There are parts of this statement, which at only nearly 24… parts of me, sadly, already agree with. How could a person of the innocent and tender age of 16 possibly understand what is expected from a relationship and feel or know how to identify the presence of love?

Then I remember what I was like at 16 and realise perhaps I am getting old and becoming shallow. Could it not be as we gain the “maturity and wisdom” of age, we lose the purity and truth of youth with its unlimited hope led by heart not mind?

And I can’t help but think perhaps it is not love that we learn to find but that it is that kind of intense love we wind up forgetting - because maybe it’s just easier to. Heartache seems immature to dwell on in the adult world – so why risk it when sensibility is a possible and highly recommended option?

Love is around and always will be in so many different forms and that seems to be - as we grow older - what we take comfort in and what we pride ourselves on knowing we have; the love of our families, our children, our friends and even our pets. While we go to bed every night forgetting entirely the feeling of a first kiss or the potent sense of a first love.

As we get older, there are more responsibilities both in our own lives and in the lives of our partners and our perspectives change along with those responsibilities.

We grow up, buy houses, get married and eventually have children. The question is then no longer “Do you want to stay at my house on the weekend or shall I stay at yours?” or “Lets go to the movies and kiss in the love-seats” but “Will you take (insert first child’s name here) to ballet class on Saturday morning while I do the groceries?” “How will we pay for that? On credit or with cash?” “Shall we get a swimming pool installed?” “I’d really like to build a garage” and lets face it… regardless of the love that exists between these couples at these moments… it’s no longer the love we felt at 16 when the world was an uncomplicated place and our lives were completely carefree.

It has since become a different sense and meaning of the word LOVE.

We become practical, perhaps not because it is what we desire but because it is expected of us and along with our new found practicality and maturity comes what in our opinion is the right to tell our children that what they’re feeling at 16 couldn’t possibly be real love.

But are we in fact the ones who are completely wrong?

TBC…

Your Last Message

Your last message
Was the best I’d had in years
And then as quickly as you’d come
You’d vanished again
And were gone from my life
In the way you had been before
Gone…
And years worth of misunderstandings
Never able to be made clear
Left…
Just a failed prospect
Of ever opening the door
And a wilted picture
Left hanging on the wall
With a future that points us
In the direction of the fog
So we’ll stay this way forever
Just...
Two kids unable to get themselves together