Home is where your heart is...

I left home today and the reason I say this is because perhaps my perception of 'home' has changed. I say this, because today I left him.

It's not like the famous 'airport-goodbye' is a scene I am unfamiliar with, in fact it's quite the opposite.
It is however, an event I don't enjoy. And no matter how well you think you know it, or how ready you appear to be for it... I don't think you can ever predict it 100%. I mean, you can try but the accuracy of the actual event isn't always as you'd had pictured in your head. Sometimes it's harder and at other times I guess it's easier but either way it's emotive.

I've left Sydney (my home of 18 years) plenty of times in the past 5 years and I still remember clearly the ache and initial shock of that very first time I left - knowing I was walking away from such a safe little nest. Today I revisited that pang of 2004 - in fact not even a full hour ago I felt my heart sink once more because I left home again, only this time it wasn't the home called Sydney.

Because after all the years of ups and downs, ins and outs and full-circle roundabouts, I finally feel right where I belong - which is exactly where I always hoped I'd end up. And I'm not scared anymore of admitting that he is my home.

Only now because of this, the leaving 'him' part is even harder because despite how hard the living-in-a-new-country-with-nothing-and-no-one is, it simply doesn't compare with leaving the home I have found with him - in his heart.

All in all, this sucks... but I guess what I can take away from this is confidence; in us and in my own heart for that matter.

Afterall, isn't that all I really write about anyway? Love; finding it, losing it, needing it, wanting it, hating it.

Maybe I haven't been writing a lot lately because I found it - and maybe I wrote in the times I lost it, wanted it, needed it, waited for it and today - I've come full circle; tackled the rollercoaster, out-chased the crazy loops and have found again what I found all those years ago.

Only this time; stronger, sure and definitely more in love than I had dreamed possible.

What else do you say when you don't have to wonder about love anymore? Maybe that's the point... maybe you don't wonder... maybe you just live it.
Live, laugh and love.

Oh there is one more thing..........

I love you - a thousand times over.
xxx