Hate & Love

I hate you for making me feel these things. I never wanted or intended to. You swooped in out of nowhere and in the beginning you meant nothing to me. Just a bit of fun. Something exciting to say I did during my time away. My one moment of crazy and one thing I would irrationally do and never look back... regret, or waste time on. Now I'm angry at you. You took things to another level with me. Had me believe I was worth more to you. Your words, the way you acted. The way you needed me. Nothing makes sense. I didn't want to trust you. I hate the word trust and everything it stands for. I fought myself, long and hard. I tried my best not to trust you. Tried not to feel comfort within you. But you kept chipping away at me, until you tore down every last wall I had built up over such a long time. And then you made me feel again. Made me want. Filled me with desire and happiness. Made me smile, and laugh, and remember what it was like to be touched. Literally, mentally and emotionally. You came in and changed my life. I never asked you to and I never wanted you to. You just did. And then you turned your back on me. As if you'd meant none of it. As if it was me who'd created it all. Put all the pieces together and pushed you into the puzzle. But I didn't. None of this was my doing. I was just a pawn in your game. You picked me up and put me where ever you wanted to. Placed me exactly where you liked me and then watched as I crumbled alone on the board. I miss you. Every damn day. Because you put yourself in my world and then erased yourself without a second thought. I would never have done that to you. Or any person walking this earth's surface. I deserve more... but you've left me here, alone with the image I'm worth nothing at all. I hate you... and love you... and I hate that more.