Don't Know?

I didn’t think you’d be everything I would ever need. Nor did I think that the look in your eye would amount to anything at all. The pulsing within my chest is something I was sure I had fabricated in my own mind and the feeling in the air when we were together is something I became very good at ignoring. Then again, perhaps it wasn’t so much ignoring as it was keeping quiet or accepting the situation as it was.
And the situation as it was, was that we could never be. For many reasons that made perfect sense and for many of the same reasons that didn’t.

All the time we had spent in that dark room, sitting opposite one another discussing our lives and confessing our truths is a time I could never forget. Much like the look in your eyes, which is until this day, etched into my brain. The intensity and passion behind that look summed up everything for me and I would have been lying if I said I didn’t think you saw it in me too.

I was not an innocent part in this play we had written for ourselves, nor did I relish in knowing the trouble it could very well cause, should we place even one toe wrong. Yet without force or effort at all, the words continued to flow, regardless of the learnt and deeply imbedded better judgement.

The innocence and purity of us was like a soothing waterfall… constant and strong. And we found a way, despite the differences and all the outside challenges, to remain covered in the infinite waters flowing around us.

If only it had been so easy to dive beneath the surface and live forever in the depth we had found.

We both knew however that it was not something that would ever go anywhere or lead to anything more and that’s what made it all that much harder and perhaps all the more intense. We both knew the calm and serenity we had created to cushion ourselves would not be that way forever. Though I don’t suppose we expected the tides to turn as aggressively as they did or that the clouds would bring with them such an angry kind of rain.

I lost you somewhere… deep in the water during the storm and my heart ached for you everyday after that. Although I am sure the absence of us from your life was as difficult for you as it was for me… time finds a way to bury itself deep in the walls of everything – our existence included. With an armful of this ‘time’ and a heartful of patience, I guess the perfection in anything can be slowly removed and the picture of perfection can fade quicker than had ever been wished.

As I stretched out my arms out strong in the direction of you, my heart skipped a beat as I realised you were no longer there - the waters had taken you – this time, too far to ever go back...

TBC...